It's a rainy day in Paris!

1st of May me and my wife took a weekend-trip to Paris in order to refresh things and take a break from the grind that we are slaving away on a daily basis. We left our baby-daugther at home with her aunts and nanny and took Transavia-airlines to Paris-Orly airport. First time that I flew with Transavia, they are you know one of the cheaper options when you want to fly to Paris. Turkish Airlines and the other corporate bitches were way tooo expensive, delivering a shitty service and ripping the people off of their hard-earned cash with ultra-expensive tickets but hey the lounge in Istanbul is great but always overcrowded! Anyways, that being sad I didn't know much about Transavia. And I don't have anything to complain about them other than they changed the flight time but informing me on time with mail and sms. The plane itself was nice with enough room for your legs and the staff was friendly. You can buy some sandwich or coke on board and prices are expensive of course. This was my second time in Paris and I knew how pricey them french fries can be. Especially when you take a taxi you might as well bring your salary-check with you. So I ordered a taxi with we-cab, which was reasonably priced compared to a normal taxi. You can make your reservation online and you share your cab with others. You receive a text message on your mobile phone informing you what gate they are going to pick you up and what time. Worked quite well.

I had made a reservation at the Hotel Auteil Tour Eiffel, which is a 4 star hotel near the famous Eiffel tower. It is basically a 10 minutes walk away and the room was nice, clean and big enough. In Paris you mostly face the problem that hotel rooms are tiny and expensive but we paid 240 EUR for two nights which is okay I guess. So, everthing looked perfect for this stay but of course, there was one factor that ruined the first day. It was raining cats and dogs when we arrived. But we didn't mind. Determined to make the most of our stay we put on our coats and went to see the Eiffel tour thinking that we would be the only ones strolling under the rain. When we arrived at the Eiffel tower the place was packed. There was a cue so long that we'd wait at least an hour to get an entrance ticket. So we cued up starting waiting when the sign said 'upper level is closed due to fucking tourists who climbed the effin tower on a rainy day. Well that wasn"t exactly what it said but it was what I thought. So we decided to come back the next morning. We were determined to make that climb. Next day we woke up, had our breakfast near a cafe and at 09.30 in the morning we arrived at the tower just to see that there were more people waiting in cue than yesterday. What the fuck? So, we just said screw the Eiffel tower. We went to the parks, to the Louvre (where the cue was like a mile long and we didn"t get to see the freaking Mona Lisa), we took a ride with the tourist-buses and it was nice. Paris is a beautiful city but also an expensive one. We had some fine dinner in a small restaurant, drank too much wine, tasted the delicious cheese. So was it expensive for a 2-day trip? yes, of course since you`re not getting away without going on a shopping spree at the Champs-Elysees but it was worth it and I´m glad we did it.

It's a hard life!

Get up at 04.00 am. Take a taxi to the airport at 05.00 am in Istanbul traffic. And there is always traffic here. No matter what time you wake up or what road you take. Try to shut up the chatty taxi driver, who is constantly complaining about his football team, politics, life and family. Dude, it is five o’clock in the morning, give me a break! Rush to the airport and catch the plane at 08.00 am to Baku. Stand in queue at the security check, queue up for the passport control and again, queue up for the security and ticket check before boarding. Sit next to chatty old ladies or noisy kids but never to beautiful top models. But then again, beautiful models surely do not fly economic class with TA. Damn! The airline? As usual Turkish Airlines. Again queue up at the passport control at the arrival. Negotiate the price with the taxi driver with a sleazy smirk. You know you’re getting robbed but hey what can you do? you have to play along to get your ass to the hotel. Get to the hotel at noon local time. You have to admit. Life’s real hard for us sales guys!

I stayed at the Anatolia Hotel, which was a 3-4 star Hotel in the city center. Given the fact that the Manat is pretty much at the same level as the USD, you could say that Azerbaijan is darn expensive. The accommodation costs you in a mediocre hotel between 80-100 Manat. Although the room was clean and the breakfast was great. No complains here and the staff always friendly. But still, you know you’re getting robbed but you just smile and bend over.

Baku is a great city. I love staying there. Of course, there are infrastructure problems, molesting road works and big construction sites all around the city but nonetheless it is a city that is worth the visit. There is a beautiful promenade on the Caspian Sea that is like 7.5 km long and people are strolling, chatting and having a good time. They have placed exotic plants and trees along the promenade, with charming illumination and there is a big shopping mall with restaurants of European cuisine and brands. The old city is also very interesting and the shopping area reminds of any European city. And the people are always calm and friendly.

Another thing that caught my eye: People are crazy about SUV’s here that is for sure. And I know now where the old Mercedes cars are going that no one cares to drive in Germany or else in Europe because they’re too old. They go to Baku. Baku is like a dump place for old Mercedes cars.  Everywhere you see old Mercedes or BMW cars from the 80’s or 90’s. A client of mine picked me up in one of this Mercedes-Benz pieces that he bought in Cologne or somewhere and drove it to Baku. Crazy Azerbaijani. He took me to a nice restaurant at noon saying that this was one of the finest in Baku. I didn't agree but what the heck. The food was traditional food with lots of meat and kebab and meat, meat, meat, meat. I got served so much food that for a minute I thought the client wants to fatten me up and feed me to the Armenians. Just kidding!

I was about the burst like a fat calf when I apologized and left the dinner and go back to the hotel. I had another appointment and dinner with another possible customer so I needed some rest before delving into new negotiations. I took a shower and started to wait for the man when my phone rang and my client was on the phone. He said that he was going to pick me up and take me to dinner to one of the best restaurants in Azerbaijan. Oh, oh! I had a bad feeling about this. While driving there in a fancy SUV the customer was very enthusiastic about the food quality of this restaurant and I saw now that my fears were becoming reality as we drove up the same road earlier. Not eating is not an option. They get insulted! Goddammit, those Asiatic traditions!!! So I got stuffed with meat and kebabs once more. When I got to the hotel I looked like a fatted calf so the receptionist didn’t recognize me and asked for my identity. In the end, Baku is really a nice city with nice people! Go, see it. 

Tashkent...city of chocolate-loving custom officers..

Flight: Turkish Airlines
Destination: Tashkent, Usbekistan

I landed really late around 2.00 o’clock in Tashkent. I had to fill out a declaration in the plane stating how much foreign currency I had with me. I had thousand USD on me, which I declared. ( I forgot that I had some fifty Euro hidden somewhere between the dollar bills and I didn’t declare them). The airport was a joke since we where directed straight to passport control, walking through a narrow corridor, where there were like three passport booths. So there were us 150 people waiting for at least an hour to get through passport control. When it was my turn the officer checked my German passport carefully like it was some peculiarity. He turned every page as if there was something hidden behind every page. Stupid dumbfuck! Then he just took off with my passport and went to another colleague showing him my visa as if he’s never seen one before. However, after a while he came back and I was free to pass through. My luggage was already waiting for me. Just when I was passing through the door the officer came after me and demanded again my passport. He, again took of and showed it to a colleague. They looked at it jointly, whispering stuff that I didn’t understand. What was wrong with these people? Anyway, he came back and handed me my passport saying in German: Willkommen in Usbekistan, mein Herr.

- Thank you, you dwarf! (Not that he was very small, but according to my theory, the officials in ex-communist countries are hiding their short figure by wearing ridiculously big hats.! Ok, I am still working on that theory) .

I took a taxi to the hotel, paying him ten dollars. I had a little chat with the driver. We understood each other in Turkish. The driver spoke in Usbek language and I responded in Turkish. No problem with communication! Brilliant!

I stayed at the Dedeman in Tashkent, sharing my room with cockroaches. They didn’t mind it but I did. The carpet was really dirty with unidentifiable stains. I don't know if I'm going to see Tashkent ever again but in case I do, I will break both my legs before I stay at the Dedeman again. Little exaggerated? Ok, maybe I will. The breakfast was okay and the staff was friendly so I guess, I'll give it a second chance and them cockroaches too.

Tashkent has little to offer since most of the city was destroyed in some earthquake in the 60s. Some nice parks, museums, monuments, wide streets. Big ex-communist party buildings. Ridiculosuly poor equipped shopping mall. And that was it. During my visit I met with a client who spoke excellent English and everybody else did too and I was suprised to see so many Italians in Tashkent.

Anyways, the return flight was less nice since I had some problems with the customs. Remember the dough that I needed to declare? Well, it turned out that the 50 Euros that I forgot was a major issue for the government officials in Tashkent since they treated me like some hotshot contraband dealer. 

Time: Five o’clock in the morning.
Place: Tashkent Airport Customs.
Mission: Getting out the fastest way from Usbekistan. 

I made my declaration once again stating the money that I had left in my pockets. However, little did I know that I was going to be stripsearched in a cabin in the airport. When they found the 50 Euros in my wallet they started screaming, looking at me like I was some rapist or murderer or worse a member of the national folklore team of Tajikistan.

Surprised by their reaction I didn’t know what to say so I just mumbled..but dude..it’s only fify euros..what  do you want???

They dragged me to some oficial where I went through the same harrasment.  Finally, I got so mad by their stupid reaction I started yelling: - What the hell do you want from me man???
Response from another dwarf with big hat: (and this is a true story, I swear to God) Go, buy me some chocolate..but one of the good ones eh? You know, the Swiss one!

So, that was all the fuss about??? Chocolate???

The man wants his chocolate. I rushed to the store and bought him his swiss chocolate and suddenly I was a free man!

Goodbye Tashkent! Let's hope we'll never meet again.